Saturday, December 6, 2008

There are moments which define your life...

It's been a rough time here since the last post. And, dammit internets, I can't even remember when exactly that was. So just do me a favor and scroll on down to find out for yourselves. My guess is about a week, but I could be wrong. In a minute you'll understand why I have no exact recollection of my last post.

On Monday, Emy began coughing again. She also had a few nosebleeds and fevers between Monday and Wednesday. By the time Wednesday evening rolled around she was coughing really bad and couldn't seem to stop. I tried everything OTC and even used her nebulizer. I really use the neb as a last result because the steroids have a nasty effect and she hates it. Nothing worked. I called our pediatrician, but she was out...of course. So off to the ER we went.

The dr examined her and found swollen glands, a fever, as well as the awful coughing. He ordered up another chest xray. After reading it, he diagnosed her (again!) with early pneumonia but this time tossed in the added bonus of bronchitis. We left with a script for a Z-pak and some rockin cough meds. I assumed all was going to be alright after a few days. But alright was not what was in the cards.

On Thursday I received a call from an ER nurse who put me through to a radiologist who informed me that he had 'officially' read her xray and noticed that within the cloudy (pneumonia) area there were also a few 'masses' and 'enlarged nodes'. This scared the HELL out of me. He recommended a CT scan. All info was forwarded to our ped. and we scheduled an appt for Monday @ 3. I freaked the hell out and called Big Daddy at work crying. Of course, it can be from the infection not going away completely the first time and therefore her lymph nodes would be swollen. RIGHT?! It could be many things. The radiologist mentioned a few things it could be, but one jumped right out at me when he spoke the word...


I can't wrap my mind around this possibility internets! She looks fine. She feels fine. No weight loss, no loss of appetite, no unexplained other pains. Yet I made the huge mistake of googling and found some scary info out there. What if? What IF? WHAT IF?????????????

So Big Daddy just wants me to chill the hell out until we have more information. I want the damn CT scan done and blood drawn NOW. He says that if it is our worse nightmare then we will just deal with it and everything will be ok. We'll fight. We'll win. I don't really feel it is cancer, but as a mom, my mind just jumps to the worse. I can't help it! Plus she's now been on antibiotics for 4 days WITH a 2 dose jumpstart bringing the total to 6. That's not counting the antibiotics she was on not two weeks ago for early pneumonia (a four day zithromax run). Yet she's still coughing. She's still got weird fevers off and on. There's no rhyme or reason to the fevers either. THAT freaks me out. When she says ouch...I FREAK THE HELL OUT!!!!!! My mind is racing constantly. What if?? WHAT if? WHAT IF???

There are moments which define your life...and I DO NOT want this to be her/our moment. I want this to be nothing but a simple infection. I don't even want to subject my sweet Emy to a CT scan which can also cause cancer. Yet I know we have to do this. I am asking for prayers internets. Prayers and you guys telling me that this is NOTHING. That you or someone you know has had a similar situation.

Right now, Google is my worse enemy. The hits that come back are truly horrifying. Heartbreaking. This is not what I wanted our Christmas to be about. I know I'm overreacting here folks, but this is MY GIRL we are talking about and I do not want any of that crap inside of her. I don't even want to think about it.

Help me here internets. Pray for nothing on the CT scans. Pray for normal body reactions to pneumonia.

Just pray.
We'd really appreciate it. Truly.

Oh and here's our Christmas card pic for this year:

1 comment:

Debbie said...

I am so sorry! I really hope its just a nasty infection that can be cured with some more eds and not cancer. Do yourself a favor and stop googling it. It will always show you the absolute worst case scenario. Please let us know what it tuns out to be. Sending lots of good thoughts your way!